Damn Lady, That's A Lot Of Gold

So I had a good time in the city with Julia (aka Mrs Zewt) yesterday. Zewt, you lucky bugger, she's absolutely lovely. And so pretty! :p

Funny thing yesterday, as I was taking the train home. It was rush hour, so I decided to take the limited express train home, which would bypass a lot of the suburbs before reaching mine. As it was rush hour, there were a lot of people on the train, with many squashed to the sides. As the train I took at Flinders St was the first train, I managed to get myself a seat. A couple of stations later, a Caucasian lady got in, and sat opposite me. A station later, an Indian lady got in and sat next to her.

Throughout the entire train ride, the Indian lady spent every 2 to 3 minutes picking her nose. And I don't mean a discreet flick of the nose; I mean the whole index finger, jammed up the nose, digging for every bit of gold. You can even see her finger moving in the nose! The first time she dug for some gold, the Caucasian lady (who was reading a book) glanced at her in utter disgust, shook her head, tsked quietly, and back to her book with an eyebrow raised in disgust.

And that happened every time the Indian lady dug for gold. She was totally oblivious to the Caucasian lady looking at her in disgust. I was so amused at the Caucasian lady's reaction that I didn't even flinch in disgust at the Indian lady's horrible habit. She was really uncomfortable, frowning, shifting in her seat, raising a lot of eyebrows, etc, and the Indian lady was oblivious to it all the whole time. That must be a heck lot of gold up that nose. Dig, flick (eeeuwww!!), dig, flick, dig, flick. I have a feeling the poor dude next to her (who had no idea what was going on, as he was leaning forward at his seat, with earphones on) must have a lot of extra "goodies" on his back :P

When we were reaching our stop (oh yeah, Indian lady got off the same station I did), I was so tempted to say to the Caucasian lady "hey, at least I don't have to look at the digging". *shudder*

As there were still many people on the train, we had to hold on to the sides to walk to the exit doors. Even though there was space left on the handle where the Indian lady had her hand on, I looked at the "spade", and decided to hold on to something else.

I don't need the extra "gold" :p

Matchy-matchy Slippers

My bedroom slippers had holes on the heels due to the funny way I walk and put my weight on. Since our apartment's living area isn't carpeted, it's very cold walking barefoot on the wooden floors. Kmart was having a buy-one-get-one-at-half-price for slippers, so hubby and I thought we'd get matching slippers this time. Altogether now, awwwww .... :p

I just had to get the Big Kahuna (half-nekkid Homer) *wink wink*.

Heatwave and Flip-Flops

I did the unthinkable yesterday. I actually walked to the Chadstone shopping centre (it was a 30-minute walk one way) in the midst of a heatwave. Yesterday's temperature was marked at 38C.

What the hell was I thinking?!

Thank goodness I had a bottle of water with me, or else I would have collapsed in dehydration. That, and lots of SPF.

Anyhoos, I walked two hours non-stop in these, and not a single blister or sore on my feet. They are even better than my Reeboks (bok bok bok bok bok ...)!

There ya go, my super oleng ciplak Croc slippers (as if I would actually wear those heinous shoes!), which I bought for RM10.90 at Carrefour.

Moral of the story? You just gotta love 'em pirates :p

Loo Habits

After reading about peculiar toilet habits at Zewt's, I thought I'd share a bit of my family's peculiar loo manners. And since my parents and brother do not read my blog (gosh, I hope they don't! If you know them, keep it hushed!), I'd give you a window into their toilet habits :p

Dad - Spends AGES on the throne. Brings either newspapers or his notebook with him. I can hear Taiwanese talk shows, Cantonese drama, etc sounds from the loo. His advice for me is that I have to learn to do my big business daily. Ada input, mesti ada output. Tiap-tiap hari mesti output.

Brother - Stacks of comics in the loo. Cannot aim to save his life. Anyways, Ah Boy, if you actually do happen to read this, you really gotta learn to shoot properly. I haven't made you actually sit down to pee yet, but man, I'm tempted to. You're stinkin' up the loo!

As for me, well, when I was a lot younger (6 to 8 years old), I've always fancied myself peeing standing up. I didn't understand why it was so easy for boys to pee standing up, and I had to squat (especially when you really have to go whilst on the highway; the grass tickles!). Thank God for the throne.

Oh, and I HAVE to have reading material in the loo. Regardless of whether it's to take a leak, or a dump. And don't we all love a good dump? :p

So Zewt, does that answer your question? ;)

PS: How's that for the first entry of 2008? Tee hee hee!

Example Of A Last-Day-of-Work Letter

I received this via email from an ex-colleague of mine (who was also my mentor for a couple of years). Since he knew that I was already going to leave, he thought I might want to send this out on my last day of work.

Note: I modified the letter a little to fit me :P


Dear All ,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type 'Today is my last day.'

For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past four years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, 'mostly satisfactory.' That is the type of praise that sends a woman home happy after even a 10 hour day, smiling her way through half a bottle of mostly satisfactory scotch.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

Very truly yours,

Tine


You know what?

I just might ;)

36 Days To Christmas

I'm so in the Christmas mood now. 36 days to Christmas. I know, 'cos my Christmas tree on Facebook tells me so.

See the lack of pressies next to the tree? Be nice, and send me some lah, even though I can't actually have it :p

I'm Going To Live Till 102!

Guess when I'm going to die?

This is what happens when you're bored to death (ouch!). Not at work, mind you, but at home, when I'm supposed to be resting and nursing my cold. Instead I'm on Facebook, buying everyone lots of alcohol, and having chicken heads thrown at me.

Oh well. All in a day.

PS: Go on. Give the site a go. You know you want to ;)

My Very Rugi Weekend

Man, it's been such a "rugi" weekend. See, my grandma's staying with us for a couple of months, and to keep her from being totally bored out of her mind (she does call our house her "jail", cos she doesn't get to go out much. Shucks), my dad bought a mahjong set for her to fill her time with.

So, for the whole of Saturday and Sunday (and most likely for the rest of her visit here) were filled with mahjong sessions. All of us went on "shifts" to play with her :p

Unfortunately, I am a very lousy mahjong player. I mean REALLY bad. First of all, I had to memorise what the characters meant (what to do, I'm a 'banana' through and through), and I had to remember which "wind" position I was in. I'd have really great tiles, and yet I'd lose. Really, wearing red underwear and all that wouldn't even help (apparently, it changes your luck or something); I'm THAT bad.

In this game, I lost RM10 in 45 minutes. I lost most of it to my dad. Siong ah.

As for this one, I lost RM1.30 in 1.5 hours (good tiles, right? I lost). We had to lower the stakes, 'cos I was losing so badly.

Still, I reckon with the mahjong set in the house, we should be able to practise more for our annual mahjong sessions with the extended family during Chinese New Year. Hopefully, I'll stop sucking, plus this time, I'll win me back some moolah.

*Mali mali hom* Money, money, come to me! MUAHAHAHA ...

A Second Look At The Creation

A colleague sent this to me via email today, and I thought, oh my, what a way to describe the Creation. Oh, and it's meant to be a joke. It's a slow Tuesday, so let's lighten up a little, eh?


In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.


So, who do you reckon's the bad guy here? Enjoy first, suffer later? Or suffer first, enjoy later?

Your call.

Think Before You Blog

Just one of those days when you can't think of anything else to blog about.

Bet I'm not the only one, eh?

F**kmate?

I was chatting with Tim just now on web IM. Due to my lack of Internet access at home, we had to call each other on the phone for the past 2 days. Yep, it's back to the good ol' days where long-distanced relationships survive via expensive phonecalls. Ouch.

Our conversation went something like this (give or take):

Tim: Oh no, your Internet's not working? Regardless, I'll call you tonight. Bootie call :P
Me: Hehehe, f**k buddy?
Tim: Huh? No lah. You're more than that lah. You're my soul mate (awwwwwww ... )
Me: Hehehe, f**kmate?
Tim: What the??
Me: F**k buddy + soulmate = f**kmate what
Tim: ...

This is what happens when it's a Friday, and there's nothing else to talk about. Tee hee hee!

When A Man Touches A Woman

"When a man touches a woman, it's called MOLEST.

BUT, when a women touches a man, it's called SHIOK, MAN!"
- Phua Chu Kang

Have a good weekend, folks ;)

Hello Metrosexual Men

Let's wiki it, shall we?

Metrosexual is a word describing men who have a strong concern for their aesthetic appearance, and spend a substantial amount of time and money on their images and lifestyles.

So ladies, what you think of such men? Men who spend ages in the bathroom, perfecting their hairstyles, preening in front of the mirror, etc. Men who spend just as much as (if not more than) women on their appearance. Men, whom, other more, er, butch men would call a derogatory name for their adopted lifestyle.

I do admire men who make the effort to take care of appearance. You know what they say, first impression always counts. But I draw the line when these men go over-the-top fussing about their looks, and how they go about maintaining 'em. A man who spends more time in front of the mirror, or spends more money than I do on beauty products, whether it's on their skin or hair is definitely a no-no for me. Okay, you're forgiven for doing it when you were a teenager ('cos God forbid if you boys were to step out of the house without stiff-as-a-board hair, the latest fashion on you, and looking at your reflection on any shiny surface your eyes fall upon), that's only natural. But when this phase reaches past adulthood, well, you better not still be hogging the bathroom, that's all I have to say. That said, men who are sloppy, untidy, and don't give two hoots about their appearance are a turn-off too.

I'm all for a guy who takes pride in his appearance. But let's not upset the nature of things now, shall we?. We women are supposed to spend more time in front of the mirror. Spend ridiculous amount of money on creams, lotions and potions to keep us looking good and young. It's our thang. Men, please don't take this away from us ;)

Let's strike a balance here, what say you?

What do you think, ladies? Would you accept it if your partner was more concerned about his looks than you do? What about you men? Ever spent a ridiculous amount of money just to look good?

PS: I hope I didn't step on too many of you men's toes here. If I did (my apologies), well, I reckon it's time to lessen the amount of hair gel and hand cream you've been using ;)

When Driving Becomes Shiok

Even when cruising at 100kmph, when the speed limit is only 80kmph (technically, it's already breaking the law, but hey, since when has it bothered motorists? Yep, welcome to Malaysia, folks.), there will ALWAYS be impatient idiots on the road who'd drive a lot faster, weaving in and out of other vehicles, overtaking as many as possible (rushing to reincarnate, is it?!).

Those are the type of drivers which I hate the MOST. As if the weaving in and out isn't enough, they'd drive so close to you, till they're practically tail-gating you. And when you switch lanes to let them pass, these idiots have the audicity to drive past you, look over and glare at you as if you're the one at fault!

BUT, there isn't anything more satisfying than, as fast and reckless as these losers drive, with the weaving in and out, they'd eventually be stuck in between two much slower vehicles, and they have no way of coming out. And there ya go, cruising along a good and nice speed, driving past them, taking in their look of frustration, with the smuggest look on your face. Woohoo!

Really, 101% PURE satisfaction, folks *grin*.

The Office Air Is Toxic

Dear Boss,

Re: The Office Air Is Toxic

I would like to highlight the above subject to your attention.

A couple of weeks ago, for some reason, the air in the office must have changed because I started to sneeze at an alarming rate (my dear colleagues commented on my bulbous nose). Yet, when I leave the office, my sneezes ceased, even though my room is air-conditioned.

The air has finally brought enough germs to knock me out for a couple of days, and when I was finally back at the office, my nose is thoroughly blocked, and I am now making "dumplings" ("pao wan tan", so to speak) on my desk, much to the chagrin and disgust of my dear colleagues. Yet, when I leave the office to pop to the loo, my nose becomes clear, and I am able to breathe again. When I returned to the office, all starts again.

I now have sufficient evidence (please see my red, bulbous nose, and "dumplings" on my desk, which I have kept for your perusal) to suggest that the air in the office is indeed toxic to me. To avoid an impending lawsuit from me to you due to the toxic air and from environmental activists to me for killing the trees to wrap the 'dumplings' with tissue, I suggest we settle this like man and woman. Before you perceive any funny ideas, I meant that there is nothing a good two-week break would not help to, shall I say, clear the air.

Thank you for giving my suggestion due consideration.

Your ever-faithful employee,
Tine


PS: Whaddya think? I should so send it in, dontcha think? :p

DVDs Anyone?

This could be one of the reasons I advocate an *ahem* not-so-legal form of entertainment.

Which reminds me, I better go exchange one of the DVDs I bought. My DVD player can't read the damn thing. #$@%.

I Want Me A Macbook!

A conversation between Tim and I last night. We were chatting about the types of perfume I like, and somehow it got to this.

Me: Dear, there's no need for you to buy me any more perfume, as I already have too many bottles. Waste money nia.

Tim: Ok lor. What do you want me to get you then?

Me: Anything also can.

Tim: Ahh ... I bet you've been thinking quite a bit about your engagement ring, right? (I haven't gotten one yet, by the way)

Me: Actually no woh. I've been thinking of the Macbook for quite some time now. It's simply GORGEOUS.

Tim: Huh? So strange one.

Me: Dear, is there such a thing as an engagement laptop ah?

Tim: ...

This is what happens when you wanna marry a tech-freak nerd. What diamond ring, OMG, have you even SEEN the beautiful, drool-worthy notebook?

I reckon asking for a ring AND a laptop would be a tad OTT. Shucks.

Huge Software Sale

The heights of software piracy has reached such a recognisable level:

That picture would be the total reverse of my dad and I. I'd tell him I need to buy new software for my notebook (well, they're not exactly all that *ahem* legal, but you know what I mean). His answer?

"Aiyo ... buy?? Waste money nia. Come, I download for you".

Shucks. Well, that's Daddy for ya.

PS: What did you think this entry was going to be? Perhaps a notice to tell you where to buy very cheap software? Download lah. Hehehe :p

How To Write A Proper Resignation Letter

So apparently, there are a few ways of writing a letter of resignation.

First of all, you have the short and informal letter.

Or you can try something a little more formal.

Better yet, fill in all the details. I'm sure your boss would 'appreciate' it.

If all else fails,

Hmmm ... I'm torn between the first and fourth. What can I say, little words mean a lot ;)

Mind Your Language

Does anybody remember the 1977 sitcom "Mind Your Language"?

By a stroke of luck, I managed to get "The Best of Mind Your Language" DVDs today. I've only watched the first disc, and I was already in tears of laughter. Who could forget the prim and proper Miss Courtney (Zara Nutley) who goes all high-pitched, "Missstteerr Brrroowwwwnnnn!!" Or Taro's (Robert Lee) constant bowing, "Ahh so"? Or the incessantly patriotic Chinese, Su Lee (Pik-Sen Lim, who was, incidentally, born in Penang), who goes on and on about Chairman Mao?

Anyways, is it just me, or is Barry Evans (who played Mr Brown, the English teacher. He died of alcohol poisoning in 1997) really cute? Well, in a nerdy sort of way.

Gotta return to my DVDs now. A thousand apologies.

Tee hee hee!