I received this hilarious email from my dad in the morning, and I just had to share it with you. If you nodded vigorously and laughed at each point about Chinese and Indian movies, then you’ve definitely watched a lot of them. Well, I certainly did.
Things You Need to Know About Chinese Swordsman Movies
1. Being the hero’s parents will always be unlucky and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is young, and the hero will become an orphan.
2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manage to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and declared dead.
3. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across distances without any sweat. But when travelling to towns and villages, they still have to walk or ride horses.
4. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have gold and silvers with them to pay for their dishes.
5. The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big the country is and no matter where they are.
6. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head.
7. They can keep a lot of stuff in their sleeves and waistband and never drop them (carrying especially lots of those gold and silver ingots)
Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies
1. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.
2. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine (vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number in the rain.
3. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.
4. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and out of nowhere, 100 people will appear from god-knows-where and join them in the dance.
5. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the bad guy who he is up against is actually his brother and the maid who looked after him is his mother and the chief inspector is his father and the Judge is his uncle and so forth.
6. Key English words used in the movie (usually said out loud between sentences) are No Problem!, My God!, Get Out!, Shut-up!, Impossible!, Please forgive me!
7. They drop down on the ground and roll and roll while singing and come out with different clothing.
8. They can run around the coconut trees, singing, batting eyes-lid, throwing glances at each other and change clothes all at the same time without being out of breath.
